I met someone last year who felt different at first. He wasn’t loud, he wasn’t flashy, he wasn’t overly charming — just calm, attentive, and interested. I thought that meant safety. I didn’t realize how many red flags can hide behind quiet behavior.

Every time we talked, he’d mention how “independent” he was… but somehow I was always the one adjusting my schedule to his. If I couldn’t, he’d get distant. Not angry — just less warm. He’d pull away, and I’d find myself over-explaining things like why I didn’t answer fast enough or why I needed time for myself.

When he got jealous, he’d say it was because he “really cared.” When he ignored my feelings, he’d say I was “too sensitive.” When he disappeared during the day, he’d come back with, “You know how I am.”

It wasn’t until later that I realized the biggest red flag was how often I felt like I was auditioning for a role in his life — a role with expectations I didn’t agree to.

I thought red flags were dramatic things like screaming or cheating. I never knew they could be subtle shifts that make you slowly forget what your normal is supposed to feel like.